I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
