I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
