Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
