she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
