Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
