We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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