I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
