yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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