I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
