My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
