Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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