She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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