I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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