she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
