so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
