you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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