I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
