There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
