Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
