I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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