Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have fence marks all over my body
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
