1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
