So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
