I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
