Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
