Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
