There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
