Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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