Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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