Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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