i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
