When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
