If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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