well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
