yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
