names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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