Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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