So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
