I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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