Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
