Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
