i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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