Swine flu. Run for my life!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
