My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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