I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
