so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
