We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
