she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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