It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
