Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
