cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
