I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
