czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
