I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
