census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
