The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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