He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
