P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
