I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
