I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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